Love, 

Raice of 09/25/18 

ALL OR NOTHING

If you love me
          for what you see,
          only your eyes would be
          in love with me.

If you love me
          for what you've heard,
          then you would love
          for my words.

If you love
          my heart and mind,
          then you will love me,
          for all that I'm.

If you don't love
          my every flaw,
          then you mustn't love me - 
          not at all.

-Lang Leav

  

From the very first time that I read this poem, I was so moved by how words can magically give the thought that you want to express for a long time in a brief manner. I don’t see this as a poem for one certain place of a character in my story such as a love interest, I view this poem as it is referring to the love that I deserve to have from the people around me. This is my mantra for four years now just because this basically sums up what kind of circle I want in my life. I believe its not being choosy but it is being wise because nowadays, trusting people is a really big commitment for me to make. And being careful with my choices is one of my best solutions in avoiding unnecessary pain and headache. Life is too short to deal with more bumps than it could offer. I fell in love with how truthful it is in facing reality and how it pushes me to not think twice in cutting unhealthy people in my life, to always prioritize quality over quantity.

As an individual with flaws and lapses, it is etched in my heart to genuinely accept and love the people I chose to come and be part of my life. And the same goes for the people that I let in. So far, this poem has saved me from individuals who have different views which gives us the borderline to meet half way. It definitely affects my battles and how I deal with personal connections which involves my investments in time and relationships with other people. That’s why every person who decided to stick with me and love me for all that I am receives the best quality of love that I could ever give while I’m alive. Its just the same as if you don’t love and accept me for my worst side then you don’t deserve me at my best. This also gives a great impact on my perspective of choosing comments that can help me. I do embrace changes as it is part of growing, being a better version of myself in the process, but someone who wants to feed what they want me to be is not just the person who I want to be and deal with. I have confidence with the people in my life that we want the best for myself, they will hurt me and they will impart some lessons to me but at the end of the day I trust them fully to mold me to become better.

I know what I deserve and I know what I want in life. Half love or whatever is not my thing, so if someone plans to give me some of her/his love cause of one thing about me then I wont accept it. You have to fully and wholly love me, not just for what you see, what you hear, what I achieved, what I can do etc. but because you took the time to know me deeper than what your eyes and ears can be able to acquire. I believe its high time to emphasize the importance of loving with no ifs and buts, just pure and genuine feelings.\

Maturity, Commitment, and Growth

Maybe it really is. It is part of the process that somehow, in the long run, a pause is needed to save what has been tainted.

As the relationship gets through time, new phases are going to arise to test you more and more. Then the next thing you’ll know, you’re growing together or apart. Given that you are both individuals with different passion and ambitions, priorities would try to fit in as you unravel the mysteries of life. When you thought that almost every little thing is well, reality would probably slap & tell you that its still not done yet.

No matter how prepared you are, if its meant to happen it will happen. This is life, after all.

So, as you the both of you grow older and wiser. Making decisions gets into you especially when it involves people who are close to your heart. What more if it includes your ultimate dream, right? It would leave you with countless of sleepless nights and daydreaming trying to figure out what’s best in your situation. What’s better for the two of you? What’s good in your relationship?

She needed to make one. She needed to save herself.

All else are going to fail and go down if she weren’t brave enough to stand up for herself and for her dreams. I salute her for choosing growth as individuals through letting you go and you letting go.

For sure, it was tough. How many times did she stay when you have given her millions of reasons to leave? Did she complain about your supposed to be working dream? Did it come out from her mouth how hard it is for her to keep up? To fight alone? To be left hanging while you are trying to figure out your lost dream.

That’s why I can’t blame her. She needed to push through her limit and start working for and on herself. She told you to leave and you left, with that first and last blow from her. You gave up. You didn’t fight.

Maybe it was vital, it cleared out the way going through the path that both of you took years ago. That growing together can also be growing apart, in your own ways. It works.

Once you are prepared, you can function well and be more efficient. 

And maybe by then, you can start working again for that lost love and lover.

Love, 

Raice of 09/01/18 after watching The Hows Of Us