There are days that I try to look back. Times that I try to remember. Moments that I want to relive.

I guess something so dear can’t be easily forgotten. It’s still clear in my memory how it all started. How you annoyed me to get my contact, how you bombarded me messages, took risks in every rejection, and plainly became someone that I have only read in books.  

Months full of drama and unexpected twists; far from reality to be given. I surfed along your waves of unbelievable reasons and schemes; slowly, I learned how to deal with all of it. There’s a part of me that hoped for nothing, but the truth and the reality. And a part of me was eager to break the almost fairy tale bubble that you built.

Its still clear. Very very clear, to the point that I can still feel the pain in joy and hope.

I was clueless. I was unsure. I was hesitant. I am clueless. I am unsure. I am hesitant. And I think I will remain clueless, unsure, and hesitant until the day that I will find the answers.

If you existed. If you really died. 

If you are AR. If you are Simba.

love,

Raice of 04/20/18